The Virgin Romance Novelist Chronicles Page 3

  Umm . . . tongues collided?

  Hands roamed?

  People stared?

  I was so lame.

  If this was any indication of how much I needed to venture out of my comfort zone, I didn’t know what was. My annoyance for Henry started to wear off as I realized I might need the unwarranted help he was offering. I could feel the gift bag on my bed, begging to be opened again, to be played with. Damn it.

  I eyed the bag, thinking it might not be a bad thing to try. After all, it was a new experience, and it could help clue me in on what to expect, of what’s to come.

  Taking a deep breath, I set my pen down, went to my door, and called out to my roommates once again. No one responded, so I shut the door and turned toward my bed, eyeing the bag once again.

  “I can do this,” I told myself as I went to the bag and pulled out the little vibrator, wondering why Henry got such a small one. The only conclusion I could come to was because I was a virgin and didn’t have much experience with longer man items.

  The wool of my skirt was rather itchy, so in order to test my sexuality, I had to be comfortable. With that solid idea, I tore off my skirt and my tucked-in, button-up shirt and put on a long, oversized shirt that had a giant cat on the front. Yea, I liked a free shirt from work. I was okay with it. Shucking my underwear, I tossed it into my hamper with the skillful deft of my big toe and fist-pumped the air.

  The bed squeaked as I sat and got into position, which basically was me flopping around like a whale until I was comfortable. I scooted the gift bag onto the floor and grabbed the vibrator in my right hand, thinking I’d use it more skillfully with my dominant hand.

  Carefully, I examined it and then turned it on. It shook in my hand, making me giggle at how powerful the actual thing was for being so small.

  “I guess size really doesn’t matter,” I said to myself as I closed my eyes and moved the bullet to my vagina. I hovered over my lady area for a good couple of minutes, wondering if the bullet was going to turn off from no action.

  “I can do this.” I took a deep breath and spread my legs wide on the bed so they were almost hanging off each side. The wider the better . . . I suppose.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” My other hand rested on my forehead. “Just do it.”

  Gritting my teeth, I gripped the bullet with my index finger and thumb and inserted it into my vagina. Thank God for tampons, because I was easily able to locate the hole. Vibrations instantly ran through my lower half making me squeal.

  “Oh God, this is weird,” I said as I made in and out thrusts with the bullet. “This should really be bigger, I can barely keep it in there.”

  I could only think about what my vagina must be thinking right now, as if I was trying to play Whac-A-Mole with it. I started to giggle as I thought about winning the obtuse carnival game against my vagina.

  I found it easier to insert as the vibrations started to grow on me. Was I starting to get turned on? Was I wet downstairs? It was quite slick . . . The mere thought made me shudder. I’d never masturbated before, so I had no clue what to expect. Was I doing it right?

  Surely not. The bullet was only touching the edges.

  I wonder . . .

  Taking a deep breath, I pressed the bullet inside my vagina, until I felt it was fully inserted. Instantly a sweat started to break out along my skin from the vibration inside my vaginal canal.

  “Oh sweet Jesus,” I said as my hands started to grip my bed sheets.

  The bullet not only vibrated continuously, but it pulsed in different patterns. My vagina was starting to memorize and tense with each shock from the bullet to the point that I started to feel uncomfortable.

  Wanting to go back to my mini thrusts, I went to grab the bullet, but couldn’t get a grip on it.

  “Oh my God! It’s . . . it’s stuck!”

  Panic ensued me as I went to grab it again, this time, trying to push it out using my vaginal muscles. But there was a threat of pushing something else out so I stopped immediately and looked around my room for something to help me.

  I grabbed the ruler on my desk and eyed the sharp edges. No, I wasn’t ready to gauge the damn thing out. That’s not going to work.

  Spinning in place, I scanned my room for any sort of object to assist in my extraction, but nothing I felt comfortable using came to mind.

  Maybe there were forceps in the gift bag or instructions, so I reached down to check . . . just as a pulse ran up my spine from the bullet.

  “Mother of pearl,” I screeched as I fell to the floor, scrambling around for the bag. I tipped it upside down but nothing came out. “Damn it,” I swore as another pulse shook my entire uterus. “Oh that’s . . . that’s a unique,” I swallowed hard, “sensation.”

  Sweat continued to coat my skin as I began to consider the consequences of having a vibrator stuck in my vagina. This could not be happening. I was not about to go to the doctor to have him pull a vibrator out of me, so I stood up, lifted my shirt up—so I could look at what I was doing—and spread my legs like a sumo wrestler.

  “Come on, you little bitch.” I jumped up and down in my squatted position, trying to spread my legs as much as possible, wishing my vagina would stop contracting so the vibrator would slip out.

  “Please come out,” I begged as I jumped harder. Come on. Come on.

  More sweat trickled down my back while pulse after pleasurable pulse ran through me. I had such mixed feelings, a combination of fear and enjoyment slicing through me all at once.

  But fear won out.

  There was no way I was going to have this thing stuck in me for life, and there was no way I was going to the doctor to have it removed either, so I buckled down, squatted the best I could and geared up for one hell of a jump.

  Three . . . Two . . .

  The door swung open and Delaney came barreling in, eyes crazed, fists formed in front of her, ready to take on a fight.

  “What the hell are you doing in here?” she asked as she stopped in the doorway and looked at me with shock.

  I stood in the middle of my room, my shirt up around my waist and my naked torso shown for all to see. I was about to yell at her to get out of my room when the bullet that was once lodged in my vagina, clunked to the floor and rolled toward Delaney, thanks to the old, uneven floor only a New York City apartment could offer.

  We stood in silence as Delaney stopped the bullet with her shoe and then looked back up at me.

  Her lips twitched as she studied the scene unfolding in front of her. “Was that stuck in your vagina?”

  I quickly put my shirt down and smoothed it out so I was properly covered.

  “It’s rude to enter someone’s room without knocking.”

  “Excuse me for wondering what kind of elephant stampede you had going on in here. If only I knew you were trying to remove a vibrator from your vagina, I would have given you more privacy.”

  Heated embarrassment caressed my face, turning it completely red.

  “It’s Henry’s fault,” I said. “He didn’t give me one long enough.”

  “What are you talking about?” Delaney asked as she grabbed a tissue off my dresser and picked up the vibrator. “He gave you a bullet.”

  “Because I’m a virgin, I know,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “What? No. Do you know what a bullet vibrator is, Rosie?”

  I was about to answer when I closed my mouth and thought about it for a second. I actually didn’t know what it was. I just guessed.

  “A vibrator for someone who hasn’t broken their hymen yet?”

  A twisted look of disgust crossed Delaney’s face as she studied me.

  “You can say hymen but pussy is disgusting to you?”

  “It’s a medical term; the P-word is slang.”

  Shaking her head at me, Delaney said, “I love you, Rosie, but you can be so naïve at times. A bullet is a clit stimulator. It doesn’t go in your vagina, it just plays between your valley.”

  “You mea
n . . . it plays in my sweet lady folds?”

  “Jesus, yes,” Delaney answered while tossing the bullet on my bed. She started laughing. “I can’t believe you got it stuck in your vagina.” As if she just realized what she walked in on, she started laughing hysterically while gripping the doorway to my room. “You got it stuck in your vagina and were jumping up and down to get it out.” She slid to the ground and wiped tears from her eyes, while I folded my arms across my chest and waited for her to be done.

  “How was I supposed to know?” I asked. “There were no instructions. Henry just told me to find my O. Who knew there was such a thing as a clit stimulator?”

  “You would know if you ever went to sex shops with me.”

  “Did you know those places are covered in semen? You know those sex video booths in the back? Yeah, they don’t have hand sanitizer. There is no way I would go in one of those places. You can practically get pregnant from sniffing the air.”

  “Yes, I did read that in the headlines the other day: Sexually charged woman gets pregnant from breathing in too much sex-shop air.”

  I studied Delaney for a second and said, “You and I both know that title is way too long for a headline.”

  Delany got off the ground while laughing and shaking her head. “Seriously, Rosie, I’m proud of you for trying, but maybe ask next time before you start sticking things in your vagina. Could you imagine if we had to go to the hospital to get that thing removed? itting in the hospital while you’re constantly getting vibrated?” She laughed loudly again and wiped more tears from her eyes. She looks like she’s hyperventilating. “God, can you actually stick it back up there so we can see what happens in the waiting room? That would just make my night.”

  “You can leave now.”

  “All right.” She held up her hands but said before leaving, “By the way, I’m calling my wax specialist tomorrow. We’re getting you a Brazilian, girl, because that bush is not the least bit flattering.”

  “Hey, I trim,” I said, clenching my legs together.

  “We want smooth, Rosie, not trimmed. Believe me, when you finally get a guy down there, you want to make sure things are as clean as possible.”

  Another wave of embarrassment flashed through me from the thought of a guy being so intimate with me.

  “And stop flushing every time I talk about sex. You have to own it, girl. Be a sexual being. Start watching porn, that might help.”

  “Okay, goodbye, Delaney.”

  “Bye, Rosie. Make me proud and masturbate the right way: one hand on the tit and one on the clit.”

  I shut my door on her as she laughed all the way to her room. I looked at the tissue-wrapped bullet on my bed and sneered. The damn thing knew exactly what I was doing and took advantage of me. I wouldn’t be going near it for a while. Stupid Henry.

  Grabbing my notebook, I sat back at my desk and continued to write in my journal.

  June 2, 2018

  I saw a couple making out on the subway today . . . Note to self: google sex toy objects before using them. Such rash actions may cause bodily harm and embarrassing trips to the hospital without the proper research being conducted first.

  On another note, vibrators are not sized due to your sexual experience. Bullet vibrators are for clitoral stimulation, not virgins who still need to be de-flowered. Also, Virginia, aka my vagina, enjoyed the pulse option on the bullet but did not like being viciously attacked by said stuck bullet, aka, the mini machine.

  Chapter Three

  Porn is Science

  “Rosie, come on, please come here,” Henry said, calling me to the couch. “I didn’t know you were going to get the vibrator stuck in your vagina.” He laughed on the last word.

  “Why did you take the instructions?” I asked while I reluctantly sat on the couch next to him and let him pull me into his embrace. I rested my head on his chest as his arm wrapped round my shoulders. “Oh my God, was it used before?” I asked, looking up at him.

  Laughing, he shook his head no. “It came in plastic packaging, you know the kind you can never get open, and I knew if you saw it, you would never even attempt to open it, so I did that for you. It didn’t dawn on me to actually include the instructions. I thought you already knew.”

  “I know nothing,” I said with shame in my voice.

  “Chin up, Rosie. You’ll get there.” He squeezed me tighter.

  “Thank you for the Kindle though, I can’t wait to start reading.”

  “Of course. I wish you’d told me about all this earlier. I would have been flaunting you all over school and at parties. We would have hooked you up.”

  “I don’t think I could have handled a one-night stand back then. I’m not as sexually charged as you and Delaney. I’m not comfortable in my skin like you two. I mean, you both walk outside and people inadvertently start humping your legs.”

  “That’s not quite accurate, but I appreciate the compliment,” he said with a smile in his voice.

  “Do you think I need to change my hair or clothes?”

  Pulling away, he looked at me and shook his head as he studied me with those pretty eyes of his.

  “You’re perfect, Rosie. Don’t change a thing. You just need more confidence in yourself. Instead of cowering behind your books, maybe unbutton your top button and thrust your chest out, flip your hair to the side, do a little flirting. You’re beautiful and you know it, so own it, Rosie.”

  “Thanks, Henry, but it’s harder for me.”

  “Oh I see, playing hard to get.” He nudged me, making me laugh.

  “Yes, that’s it. I’ve been playing hard to get with every man on the planet for the past twenty-three years.”

  “Ambitious.” He laughed.

  “Go big or go home.” I shrugged. We sat in silence for a second before I said, “I have a date on Friday.”

  Squeezing my side, he said, “Seriously, that’s great. With who? Is it from the dating website?”

  “No, I haven’t even looked at that thing yet. Do you remember Jenny from my office?”

  “The one who’s dating that douche nugget, Drew?”

  “Yeah, that’s her.”

  “She could do so much better.”

  I pulled away and studied him. “Are you saying you would want to get it on with Jenny?”

  Laughing, Henry shook his head. “Get it on? You’re adorable, and no, she annoys the crap out of me. She’s gorgeous, but you know I like the little brunettes. I’m just holding out for you.”

  “Are you trying to teach me how to flirt?”

  “Is it working?” He winked.

  “No.” I laughed, as I wrapped my arm back around his waist and snuggled closer. “Anyway, Drew has a friend named Atticus.”

  “Atticus? Like from To Kill a Mockingbird?”

  I paused as I thought about it. “You know, I never connected his name with a book. That makes it so much better.”

  “Jesus”—he shook his head—“I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  “Anyway, we’re all going swing dancing on Friday. I’m excited because I haven’t been swing dancing since college but also a little nervous about actually going on a blind date.”

  “You know I’ll go swing dancing with you. I’m the best partner you’ll ever have. Remember the time I flipped you over my head and you lost your balance and landed ass first in the punch bowl?”

  “How could I forget? My butt was stained red for days.”

  “I miss swing dance club,” he said with a forlorn voice.

  “Funny you say that, because our senior year you ditched me for your late-night Friday booty calls, and that was the end of swing dancing for me.”

  “Well, I was a dick back then,” he admitted. “If you ever want to go, just ask me.”

  “Come on, Henry. You’re too busy on Friday nights to take me swing dancing.”

  He used his finger to raise my chin to see him and I saw genuine remorse as he said “Rosie, you know I’m never too busy for you.”


  He was my best friend, but he could still make my heart flutter, which was common when I was around him.

  Giving him a side-smile, I said, “Thanks, Henry, but I think this blind date might be good for me. Get me out there, and who knows where it might lead.”

  “You looking for sex on the first night?” he asked a bit astonished.

  “Oh my God, no. I think that would be a huge mistake, especially given my vibrator lodging in my vagina today.” That’s right, I said vagina. “I need to study up a bit before I jump into it with a stranger. The only sex I know of is from books, and they make it seem so easy and wonderful. Is it really like that?”

  “Depends,” Henry answered honestly. “You have to be with the right person who knows what they’re doing first. Some guys like to plow into you to get what they want, but a real man will make sure you’re satisfied before he is.”

  “Does that come straight from the Henry Playboy Bible?”

  “Damn straight,” he said while leaning forward and grabbing the soda we were sharing from the coffee table. “You have to realize that your first time is going to be awkward. You won’t know where to put your hands or what to do when the sock that he’s trying to take off just won’t let up so you wait for him to take it off while you lie there naked.” He handed me the soda and I finished it, handing it back to him to set on the coffee table. “It’s going to hurt, Rosie. I won’t lie about that, and you’re going to bleed.”

  “Wow, sounds like a pleasurable experience, I can’t believe I waited this long to participate.”

  I knew sex wasn’t going to be great right off the bat but now, thanks to Henry, I was really dreading it. What the hell was I supposed to tell the person who finally took my virginity? Sorry for the bloody mess, but did I forget to tell you I was a virgin? The whole process seemed overwhelming.

  “Maybe I should wait until I’m in a serious relationship,” I thought out loud. “It seems like if I’m with someone, actually dating them, they would be more sensitive to my condition.”

  “It’s not like you’re diseased or anything.” Henry laughed. “You’re a virgin, not a leper. Any guy with a right mind would respect the fact that you’ve saved yourself and would treat you with respect.”